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JazLyte

176 Movie Reviews w/ Response

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Phenomenal. Fantastic plot twists and really fun visuals. GGWP.

ChutneyGlaze responds:

Hey Thanks! People seem real cool here on newgrounds, I think ill stay

Very cool, loving that sakuga influence! Can't wait for the real deal, keep at it brah.

BestofNesia responds:

Thanks!

Holy hell, that was beautiful. Funny, solid animation and fantastic art direction, notes taken, good work.

hinca responds:

thank you

The cartoon is fine, nice style and has potential, and I will be following you because the content itself is decent enough. Your shots need more dimension, your perspective needs work and it wasn't particularly entertaining, but that will come with time.

I digress, CUT IT OUT WITH THE OBNOXIOUS PITY WHORING. You have no idea how badly I want to pretend that this cartoon is actually as bad as you say it is, just because you've slathered it with apologies and bullshit. You are not going to somehow change the quality of the cartoon by trying to package it as being shitty, or trying to protect yourself from criticism by pre-labeling it as a "A crappy video", or whatever you call yourself doing with those "Ohh, I just didn't give a shit, please, nobody criticize me for I have already punished myself severely, woe is me I'm so ashamed" Author Comments. It's just pathetic and makes you look ridiculously narcissistic, as if you think you're above being new to animation.

Your work needs work, just like everybody else, get used to it. Nobody is here to give you pity praise, we just want cartoons.

RannitX responds:

First of all thank you for leaving a review I and giving great input. As for me pity whoring its was not my intention but none the less I ended up doing it. I would like to change the title but I can't find the option to do it. Anyways I don't think you want to hear excuses. Next video will not have this bullshit, although I haven't proved it yet I hate pity and i'm glade that the people on Newgrounds are fare and nice. So bottom line is my next video will not have any of this bullshit (might be a while till i finish my next one). Thank you for giving real input on this topic and the topic of my art. I do need to do more interning shots I would add more to the scene. Again thank you for your input have a nice day.

Well, it's a cartoon with a larger story, but why am I watching it? You're clearly a skilled artist capable of creating something really interesting, but this short is severely lacking in personality. We know literally nothing about these characters' personalities, motivations, their world or anything. If we have to wait until later episodes for things to get good, you've fucked up.

Come on, don't tell me the inside of your brain is filled with the same bland, rehashed Japan-fetishism that leads to people doing shit for their masters and and casually throwing around around Japanese names. Where are YOU in this story? Don't just set out to "make anime," surprise us! You make solid work, do something interesting and honest about Darrel Wilson with all these boring ronins out to honor their fathers and shit. These characters are as blank as it gets, you still have plenty of room.

(And no, the main character being black doesn't help. Trust me -.-)

CrabbWalker responds:

This animation does lack personality. Perhaps you have a point about the importance of establishing characters and motivations first hand, that I severely undermined by deciding to stretch it out over the span of several episodes. My puzzle-piece approach might work, or might not work. If it doesn't, it won't be the end of the world, I'll always have time to create fresher content (long as I don't die in a freak accident lol). This animation was a testing of the waters so to speak for the web series...I guess my problem is that I test out the waters too much.

However, you might be confusing what seems to be a fetishism for the actual passion and appreciation I have for the Japanese culture. I took up 6 years of Japanese before I even started improving on my art form. I guess that makes me a Japanophile? Who knows, but this is not to say that I don't appreciate my own culture, either.

And I don't know what you're trying to get across in your last sentence. She's black because I want her to be black– her race doesn't determine how good the story or art is going to be. That last comment was unneeded :/

No beef though, JazLyte. I like your work and you've certainly laid down some pointers for me in the beginning paragraphs to reflect on. Thanks for the review!

Edit: I'm glad there's heavy-hitter critics on Newgrounds that will lay it all down on the floor. I've been focusing on this post, even during at work, for why it stuck with me so hard, but for me, I guess it boils down to being original. Being original is my biggest challenge...but mark my words I will surprise you! (Eh, somehow)

Well executed toonage, the comedic timing worked, the ideas are there, overall I liked it. I do feel though that for a comedy thing, it's very high concept. I was pretty confused until I read your author comments, because none of that stuff was on screen in a way that the audience can decipher. A good rule to live by is if it's not on screen now (where the audience could gather the backstory themselves), it's not relevant. Also, it could use more establishing shots and full-body drawings to give us a sense for where the characters are and what they actually look like. 99% of the compositions are above the waist and close-ups of the face. Keep up the good woik.

Fantishow responds:

Yeah, I considered having a narration explain all of it, but it ended up eating up nearly half the duration of the film. I definitely feel like I should have planned the compositions a ton more. Maybe next time around. Thanks for the most constructive feedback I've had thus far!

Absolutely horrifying, not that that was based on reality or anything. Noooo. Clients are always the sweetest... most honest... cooperative...... specific............ :I

Gerkinman responds:

They are made of hearts and candy.

Visually adequate, but didn't deliver in the comedy department... It screamed "soulless portfolio piece." Almost seemed like a scene from something larger, missing information beforehand and after, but wasn't unique/entertaining enough to carry the small amount we were given. Maybe if we had seen who he was beforehand, or how he died animated instead of in the pre-loader, but wouldn'tbeg for such things if the content itself were more potent. Still, you know your way around Flash which is good. Griiiind fuuurtherrrrrr

Chelo-kun responds:

Thank you. While your feedback is somewhat useful, I don't care much for how disrespectful it comes across. A portfolio piece, sure. But to say it's "soulless", you insulted me.

The art was nice and tightly wound, but it did absolutely nothing to enhance the comedy at all, and the writing came off very, very forced to me. It almost seemed like the length was the top priority, because these characters were absolutely not entertaining enough to carry such a long cartoon. You clearly know what you're doing when it comes to the technical stuff with cartoons, but the foundation of this one wasn't as strong as it needed to be, the writing definitely needs work. This could have been a 2-3 minute cartoon and been much more effective/entertaining.

CarlDoonan responds:

Pacing is one of my biggest weaknesses as a storyteller. I tend to worry I'm telling a story too quickly to follow when I'm aiming for a 'snappy' pace, but then end up overcompensating and end up with something far too long-winded. I'm hoping to keep future projects more succinct and improve my writing.

It's like the RayWilliamJohnson of flash toons... Destined for greatness. I love clever references and debasing social comedy as much as the next guy, but there's something blaringly hollow and soulless about this cartoon. Somehow, I don't believe that you actually thought this was funny. Is this a social experiment? Am I just a pawn in your game to find out how many 12-year-olds you can effortlessly tickle by casually tossing (lazy) reference, after (boring, apologetic, common) race joke after (boring, apologetic, common) gay joke into the white box of Flash's canvas?

If you actually thought that all this was funny, I mean if it actually made you laugh when you were writing it, you know what, I have no gripes. But I can't watch this. It's comes off too soft... too apologetic and formulaic... Comedy isn't difficult, it just has to be genuine. I can see the math under this cartoon, and it makes me sad. Trust your own humor a little more.

CooliSushi responds:

I'll try harder next time.

As far as my gay jokes go, they were all me, that is my sense of humor, and I do believe in my sense of humor

And I also take my Criticism very well. I appreciate your input, hopefully it'll be better for you next time :)

Queer black pulp trash cartoons & music. TV storyboard hooker for rent.
Making Kill Wolfy 2🐏🐺

Kalen Whitfield @JazLyte

Age 34, Male

Storyboard Skank

Hyenaville

Joined on 4/20/06

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